I’ve Got Your Back

I think we have all heard the expression ” I’ve got your back”  I don’t know who originally said it but does it really matter?  Someone is looking out for you.

This expression took on a whole new meaning for me this past week and so I reflect on it today.  For those who know me I don’t have to tell you that challenges and have come and gone like a revolving door a Macy’s .  We put one to bed and a new one presents itself.

I started a new chemo regimen last Friday.  Of course they must tell you  everything that could, should or might happen and they did. You have a choice.  Worry, fret and think that every single side effect will inflict you body. Or…  You can let the chips fall where they may.  I might be a wee bit lazy so I decided to let em fall.

I had a talk with the Lord early one morning and told him there was something very important to me that would be happening this week. My Uncle is celebrating 80 wonderful years and a special party had been planned.  I wanted to be there , to feel well , to go with my Mom. She is in a nursing home.   God can’t grant a request if you don’t ask.  ” God can I feel well this week?  Can I not be nauseated, over tired?  I got a shot this past Monday that they say will cause me pain and my bones to ache. Can we pass on that this week?   I know Lord that your will is what prevails, give me the grace and the faith to accept whatever your answer is.  Then there was  a calm and a quiet that over took my heart and soul with a profound peace that even as a writer I have no words for.

Every day for the last few days things came up, from forgetting where I put something to having the strength to climb up the three stairs in to our kitchen.  Brain cancer treatments have long term side effects and so do the steroids that treat any swelling you have.  One of them is muscle weakness.   I am working on that by doing a modified walking routine in my home. My son encouraged me to do things my way and so I am doing just that, doing what works for me to strengthen, it’s fun.  I put my I phone in my husband’s docking station and move it for about 20 minutes, I am working up to 30 minutes.  I open up the blinds and let the sun in and look out my windows as my neighbors race off to work. Since my balance is slightly off I look like a penguin waddling but it works, I love penguins so it seems appropriate for me.  Although one morning my husband thought I looked more like an Eskimo when I was all bundled up heading out with my brother.  Or could I be a Weeble?

Remember those toys?  ” Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down”. You know variety is the spice of life. If we all walked runway models from Milan there would be no diversity in life.

What we ask for in prayer if we truly believe will be answered.  What I whined about not being able to see the eagle’s next across the other side of the channel from us, God listen and said , pan those binoculars this way, there is was.  We will have the special gift of watching a family emerge in the coming months.  My husband saw an adult fly out of the nest last week, lucky duck.  My day will come.

I think that funniest thing that happened this past week cannot be withheld, if it was a U Tube post it would go viral.

I was working on something in the living room and went to grab one of my new tech devices.  i use a stylus, think magic want with a spongy tip to maneuver letters, numbers, you name it , it’s a breeze.

I broke a golden rule.  There is a small whole on top of each device where the stylus tip goes in to secure it to what you are using so it doesn’t get lost or fall down between the sectional sofa, an abyss where things are hard to retrieve and often never found. The only small enough to get in between them is an elf’s hand or my teenage son who must have morphing capabilities.  Of course I reached for my device and low and behold my lightening fast reflexes , okay this is where you  laugh,  were not fast enough and it fell down in to the unforgiving abyss.  No!…….  I was on my hands and knees to retrieve it. Reach, no luck. Change hands, take off cool bracelet my friend  gave me so I wouldn’t ruin it. The bracelet says Grace on it by the way. To accept whatever God sends my way

Please help me get it back.  There I was down in the commando pose with the recliner footrest up with my head underneath the couch.  God said you know you might want to get your little flashlight. It’s in the bedroom.  Okay suit yourself missy.

So…..  I backed  out slowly from underneath the couch and tried to decide which method would get me from the floor to a standing postilion?  It was cross between a sloth, a bear and the downward dog. It worked.  I did the penguin walk to the bedroom and got my light.  I came back , assumed the position, again.   I turned my beam of light on and there it was.  I looked up and said, ” You made me go though all that to get this back?  Yep he said.  I answered your prayer my dear but I don’t always hand things, you worked for it. Now you’ll remember to keep the stylus attached won’t you? Lesson learned.  If someone thinks that God doesn’t  have a sense of humor had not met the one who watches over me.  I’m sure he laughed a little at the predicament I gotten myself into.

I am happy to report that none of those side effects ever occurred. I had a  great week with just a little fatigue. God answered my prayers and my Mom’s.  I called her to tell her that I would be there to ride with her to the party, she had tears of joy. So did I .

Thanks God for watching my back.  You do every day but you were especially attentive to me this past week.  Bless you for having mercy on this penguin waddling cancer patient.

The Gift of Grace

I sit hunched over my keyboard  I squint at the screen determined to pluck something out no matter how hard it would be for me.  When you have radiation o f the brain it effects your eyes.  It can take months to adjust. This time I no longer have to use my glasses to read things close up; I do need them for things that are far away and for driving.  Making the adjustment has been a challenge.

I have been sitting on the pity pot for a few days.  Looking out the window wanting to ask God why but  resisting  the urge to give in to the devil’s wishes..  Just when I  thought I wanted to  feel sorry for myself again the mail arrived with a box  addressed to me  Maggie .  Only one person calls me Maggie, my angel here on earth, Cathleen.  Inside was a beautiful Christmas card and a small bag adorned with maroon satin ribbon and gold cloth.  I almost felt like I was unworthy to open it,it was a beautiful  bracelet.  Inscribe on a sliver oval was the word Grace.>     Inside was note about the Virgin Mary.  She compared me to Mary because I have accepted what God has sent my way.  The tears came because I was deeply touched but felt unworthy of this comparison..  I realized d how fortunate I

was to be alive.  I thought of  a little girl named Olivia who has an  in operable  brain tumor yet she moves forward each day and lives her life.  I needed some grace and I got it. It adorns my wrist and will be worn daily to remind me of Mary’s answer to the angel who came;  : When the angel told Mary she would birth to God’s son she asked one question;  ” How can this be since I am still a virgin.”  The angel answered Mary, ” The Holy Spirit will come upon you and the power of the most high will over power you and the holy one to be born will be called the son of God.”

May did not question the angel  any further,” I am the Lord’s servant, may it be done to you as you have said.”. With that  the angel left her.  Luke 1   26-38

Mary accepted what she was given willingly : ; I intend to do the same.  Thanks Cathleen for the gift of Grace.

What I Learned from A Sunflower

A few weeks ago my husband and I noticed a small sunflower about 2 feet tall-growing along the fence line.  We try each year to plant a row of them.  The past two years time slipped away and we didn’t get it done.   When we do plant them they tower over our yard, some as high as eight feet.  They are a haven for the birds and a play ground for the squirrels who scampered from one flower to another by vaulting from leaf to leaf.

We were blessed this year with a special gift, one lone sunflower that grew from a seed the squirrels and birds missed.   For me it was about taking a spiritual journey each time I gazed out the window to check on the mini sunflower.  I check on it every day.

I took a break from my writing this morning to see how it fared the cold weather we had last night.  To my surprise it was still standing but as always had ducked under the fence support for shelter.  In addition to being reassured it had weathered the cold I found a sharp shinned hawk sitting on my critter cafe(that’s a fence mounted bird feeder for the squirrels and at night the raccoons)  holding on to a rodent.  Beautiful bird with breakfast in tow.

It’s amazing what we can learn from nature that is spiritually based.  This small seed weathered all types of challenges from the weather and not being consumed by a passing squirrel or bird or being poisoned by weed killer our neighbor up the lane sprays.  Where it landed and started to grow not only provided the sun that it needs but it was next to the fence support.  The benefit was shelter from the torrential rains and strong winds. As the weather began to cool and frost threatened it would cuddle underneath the green fence brace and blend right in with its beautiful golden bloom closed in prayer for the night.

The spiritual lesson in this for me has been focused on faith, trust, perseverance and resilience.    The sunflower represented me. The fence support became God.  Despite the challenges that were presented to this small seed; it grew and flourished.  It had the sun and rain it needed to become the mini sunflower it was intended to be. A decision made long before it broke the earth’s crust to be born.    God does the same for us.   He never promises that we won’t have challenges in this life.  He does reaffirm that he is here to help, all we need to do is ask.  So people don’t feel that he answers us.   I’ve heard people complain about not receiving what they wanted and they prayed, they prayed really hard!  Nothing.   I use to be one of those people.   The problem is we don’t quiet our minds and our lives long enough to hear his answer. We are way too busy with our work or  blaming someone else for our failures or lack of self-esteem.  We are too busy acquiring material things to try to fill the void in our lives.  Some turn to drugs, alcohol and other addictions to try to ease the pain.   We hold on to past grievances that we don’t realize are highly toxic.; think about the weed killer my neighbor sprays envision it as words  thoughts  or something written. We are lost and we wonder if we’ll ever find the way.

Just about everyone has a spiritual side, sometimes we share the same beliefs and other times we are at opposite ends of the spiritual spectrum.  That’s okay as long as we respect one another.

If you haven’t taken some time to connect with your beliefs lately give it a try.  I need only look out my window to the message God has given me to face my most recent challenge. It gives me hope.  Against all odds the little sunflower grew and survived.  Each day I go out to gaze upon this miracle and I am reminded how the two of us are alike.  We both have God  caring for us.  No matter what the outcome may be, we know we are serving a greater purpose.

The View

The view that I am enjoying is not the one that some of you watch on tv with Whoopie Goldberg, Barbara Walters, Joy Behar and the rest of them that I don’t remember, I don’t watch it. The view that I speak of is breath-taking.  Before me through the picture windows I see Mt. Rainer. It’s peak is covered with snow and as one’s eye follows it down the mountain there is not a barren spot to be found.  My sister in law told me it’s been too cold, not warm enough yet to melt the snow.  The massive evergreen that line the hills smell of the outdoors. They frame the mountain as if they were designing it for our Creator.

As my eyes follow the tree line they are drawn into  historic Gig Harbor where my sister-in-laws live.  They reside in the Finholm District.  The Finholm family who owned much of the land still has a small market in the town.  You can reach it by car but walking the flights of stairs created for the direct route are an interesting way to arrive at the front door of this establishment.  I will warn you to manage your energy, the trip back up will challenge your knees and your legs.  Everyone needs a challenge don’t they?

I have spent part of my vacation here looking at the mountain and watching all makes and models of boats enter and leave the harbor. Tonight some will gather in the harbor for the fireworks display. it’s not put on or paid for by the town but by the residents who live on opposite shores from one another.  They shoot them from one side and then the other.  Not orchestrated in any way, they just do it. It’s beautiful and it shows the ability for people to reach across the harbor to create something special.  If only our lawmakers in Washington could get along and  do what we elected them to do.  I can dream about it can’t I?

Tonight we will feast with family and friends and watch this spectacle together.  My furry nieces and one furry nephew will watch too. Sadly though my furry niece Madison will probably head to the lowest level of the house to ride it out.   She just got  what we call ” The Thunder Cape.”  It is a compression coat for dogs that helps to make them feel more secure.  Think of it as a tightly swaddled newborn, comfy and cozy.  This analogy shared by my sister-in-law helps explain how it works.  It seems to help her along with a spritz of lavender aromatherapy.  Treats also help to ease the anxiety.   I wondered if it works for dogs will it work for people too?   It could also replace “Spanx” for humans.

As the afternoon progresses more boats may troll or sail into the harbor to anchor and watch the show.  I have enjoyed soaking up the sun and drawing in the crisp clean air from the deck.

Today is our last day here, tomorrow we will take two flights home. There is always a mix of emotions for the crew when we have to return to reality.  We have enjoyed the hospitality of my sister and her husband in Portland, OR.  We visited the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry and took a submarine tour, very cool. Enjoyed a drive to Skamania Lodge for huckleberry creme brulee among the other fun things we chose to do together.

We traveled north to Gig Harbor, WA and still further to Seattle to spend time with my husband’s family.  Relaxing in the exercise pool and hot tub with whirlpool.  You can see the mountain while enjoying warmth of jets massaging your body.  We walked downtown Seattle visiting Pike’s Market.   I spied some enormous peaches that looked picture perfect,  I went back and bought some after we ate lunch. They are so  juicy you need a bib, or at least I do to consume them. We strolled the Seattle Zoo.  Do I have a favorite memory of this trip? That’s a hard one.  I think its about spending time with family. Laughing and sharing.

Some people take vacations that are planned down to bathroom breaks.   I grew up that way.  When you live in a large family things need to stay organized so that chaos doesn’t ensue.  I made a pack with myself that I would not have itineraries or be on schedules that were planned down to the last minute.   Life is not about always being on a schedule.  Each day should not be about  trying to accomplish so much that one wears themselves out and there are people who do. I am not one of them.

I want time to relax, to sleep in, yes I have been known to do that. I don’t need a schedule for the day, life changes and plans can change. I am not saying to throw the thought of coming up with ideas out the window ; I am simply saying not to be so regimented that you loose sight of the fact that vacations are for;  relaxing…..Ahhhhh.

Two people could look at the same view that I am looking at as I write and neither one of us would come up with the same visual description of what I am seeing.I see a mountain that took millions of years to form.  Iced like cake with frosting from the sky.  Trees that go on for miles, tall, majestic and taking years to reach maturity. Home for the woodland creatures.  The water sparkles in the harbor and the boats line it’s outer banks  like a fine necklace.  Priceless gems that each have their own name;  each  unique in its own rite.

I have expressed before that how we view our life makes a monumental difference in how we live our life.  I feel blessed to have a wonderful family that despite my quirks puts up with me. How generous they are with their time, their talents and culinary abilities. Words cannot truly express what my heart feels and I have always considered myself pretty good with words.  Sometimes there are no words that can sum it up.   I will miss them all.

What view will you choose?

A Tribute to Fathers

The first Father’s Day was celebrated in Spokane,WA  by Mrs. John B. Dodd who wanted to honor her father, a Civil War veteran.  In 1924 President Calvin Coolidge supported the idea of a  day to honor fathers. It wasn’t until 1966 when President Lyndon B Johnson signed a proclamation dictating that the 3rd Sunday of June would be set aside to honor all fathers.

Each family celebrates it differently.  Some families attend church services together followed by a meal, breakfast or for services that run a little later, a special dinner out or a home cooked meal. Some love to grill, others like to camp.  No matter how  you spent your day today I hope you spent it with your father if you live in the same town.  If your Dad is across the country I hope you called him.   Today I went to visit my father at one of the oldest cemeteries in my hometown.  He died three years ago.   I brought red, white and blue carnations and a small flag.  I placed in a vase next to the stone.   A week earlier I forgot he was gone.  I was setting aside cards and presents and panic set in when I felt I was one short.  I paused for a moment and realized that I had no present because Dad already had the best one; he was in heaven with his father, mother, brother and sister and his creator.  It doesn’t happen every year but it did this year.  Mom and I think it’s wishful thinking, wishing that we could turn back time.   I stood at the grave quietly and said a silent prayer as my family shared the moment with me.  My husband took a picture of me with the flowers, I couldn’t look up , the tears were pooling in my eyes.  ” I can’t smile honey, I have nothing to smile about.”   I realized immediately after it slipped out that it wasn’t true.   I miss my Dad, even with his quirks.  I have lots to smile about.  There were three reasons standing beside me; my husband who is a wonderful father to our children, our two healthy teens who sometimes drive us crazy but we love them no matter what. We remind them it’s the actions that we don’t like, not the person. They are great kids.  I blessed to have two older brothers who are both Dads and great ones.  They both have the challenge when they travel for work of staying grounded with their families, connected to their kids.  I don’t know how they do it.  One of my brothers has a bumper sticker that says it all.  ” Don’t let your kid be the one that gets away.”    A fishing analogy.   A strong reminder to us all that nothing is more important than your family, not your job.  There needs to be a balance between the two.  Technology needs to take a backseat.  Unless it’s an emergency we don’t need to text someone back or answer an e mail or pick up our cell phone.  When our spouse or our kids are telling us something that is important to them , we need to be active listeners, we need eye contact and empathy.  If we want our kids to respect us and mirror us we need to set an example.

Father’s Day is just one day to celebrate our fathers, brothers, brother-in-laws, grandfathers and uncles.  We have a chance every day to honor them, why wait for a once a year event?

Every year we spend time with our fathers, those that are still with us. We remember our fathers who are no longer with us.  Today I celebrated the day by remembering a special memory I have of my Dad.   I was in high school, after completing my freshman year we planned a trip to the west coast.  My Dad came to me three weeks before we left.  He asked me if I wanted to learn to use his camera.  Now his camera was not just any old camera, it was a camera he bought it when he was serving in the military in Germany during World War II.   It was special.   I eagerly said yes.  My Dad worked patiently with me on how to use the light meter and how to set the camera.   Vacation time came and he handed me the camera and let me take all the pictures. I tried to give it back because my Dad was much then I was.  He said no and trusted me completely.  When the film was developed it wasn’t that bad.  I took an awesome picture of a cow in the middle of the highway in Nebraska.  Several of them.

It seems ironic that I would marry a man who is a photographer.  I see the world through his eyes.   I am more observant , more patient.  To take pictures you have to be.

I hope my husband had a good day.  Lasagna is in the oven bubbling away for dinner. We went to church with his father and mother and had breakfast with them and some friends of theirs at one of their favorite restaurants. We visited the cemetery.  We celebrated my niece’s high school graduation.  She has guts and grit and knows what she wants.  She completed a nine week program in logistics at the arsenal.  Her father, my oldest brother could not have been prouder. He had the privilege of hearing her give her presentation which was part of completing the program.  His little girl has grown up.  His son helps manage one of the finest eateries in Blue Grass and still has time to train for a competition in August.  My brother spent his vacation week training with him and getting ready for his daughter’s party. Now that’s dedication.

I got to see both my brothers today.  When they speak of their families and how proud they are of their kids they don’t seem to take any credit for their successes.  Fathers aren’t looking for accolades, they love their kids and want what’s best for them.  I am grateful that my brothers value their families and being with them. Now more than ever this is needed in our world.

My brother-in-laws possess the same dedication to their families too. One who is quiet but has a clever sense of humor and loves to tease. Both he and his brother share the gift of working with their hands, one with wood and cars and the other with plants and wood.   They visualize an idea and make it a reality.  Could I be that lucky?  Not my talent but thankfully my husband has the knack or we would be in sorry shape.

Next week we will be heading out to the west coast to see my sister and her husband.  He has three children by a previous marriage, his dedication to all three is heart-felt. He works with children at a local school in a program that encourages that kids to read.

The last of my brother-in-laws resides in Texas with my youngest sister and their teenage daughter who is in Europe through a special ambassador program called People to People.  I know she is missing her Daddy in a big way today. He is a pastor for a church in Cedar Park, Texas.  He has been another blessing in my life.  I heard him preach for the first time in person when we visited over spring break. I was blinking back the tears. God could not have chosen a better shepherd for this flock.  He is gifted with speech and the written word. He reaches out to those who have strayed, not to beat them with a Bible but to listen. Kind , caring, empathic.  As a father he practices the same compassion.

I miss my Dad.

I do have a Dad here on earth.  My father in law has always treated me like his own.  He accepts me with all my quirks.  Thanks Denny for being there for me.  Happy Father’s Day everyone! Thank you for accepting this very special ministry.  We are called to be parents.  It is the most challenging yet the most rewarding job there is. Embrace it and embrace your children and your spouse; let them know they are loved, allow them to be who they are and most of all listen to what’s in their heart,they have much to say and my hope is that we lend an ear.

When the Magic Happens…..

It’s taken me 45 years to get there and I was asked;  ” Was it worth it?”

I am talking about the Magic Kingdom created by Walt Disney.  Ever since I was knee-high to a grasshopper (  I was five) I have wanted to go to Disney World.   I would sit with my family on Sunday nights and watch the Wonderful World of Disney on our big RCA tv.  Even at my young age I knew that Walt wasn’t crazy, some adults did, I thought he was the smartest man alive besides my Dad.  He had a vision, Disneyland in California and Disney World in Orlando, Florida. Each year I was hopeful when we started going on vacations that we would go visit Mickey and experience the magic that I saw every week on the tv.  Could this place really exist?  Each year we would go camping we would stay at state parks in Iowa and then we forged ahead to the western United States.  We traveled to North and South Dakota, we tolerated the barren boring plains of Nebraska.  We were fortunate enough to see a cow on occasion who was wandering from their grazing range and would stand in the middle of the highway;that added excitement to a long stretch of highway I often dreaded. We explored Colorado ( which I did not think was boring) and Montana and gazed at the majestic Grand Tetons.   We did not go to Florida, it wasn’t my Dad’s thing. ” Too commercial and expensive”, he would say.    I realized once I was a teenager it wasn’t happening and that I would have to wait until I was an adult to visit Mickey.

That magical day occurred this year when I turned 50.  Most people dread and complain about their birthdays and wrinkles and gray hair; I must be a weird, I embrace them. I always have, even before I had cancer.   No one sent black balloons or left a black streamer laden wheelchair and tombstone on my doorstep or at my place of employment.   I would have laughed.   Cancer is a chronic condition for me now, it will not steal my warped sense of humor.  It’s good medicine.  The people who know me the best know its okay. As my youngest sister and I often say, ” We ain’t pushin up daisies yet.”  I can’t say that without smiling, I actually planted daisies in my garden this year, it makes me laugh.  Society wants to place dirt on you when you get cancer or some other disease, I choose to throw the dirt right back at them and plant daisies. Okay back to magic.

We arrived in Orlando, Florida on a warm sultry evening.  The air seemed to stick to your skin like flies stick to a dung heap.   The palm trees swayed gently.   We rented our van at the airport and headed to our hotel.  We stayed in a resort like setting in a three bedroom condo. We received a tip from a friend of my mother in law’s that this was a nice place and reasonable.  I whipped out my AARP card and savored its benefits for an entire week.  Our fully furnished condo allowed us plenty of space and was fully stocked with whatever we needed.  We bought groceries and would eat many of our meals there, it was nice. A washer and dryer made me feel like I could be a domestic goddess in Florida if I wanted to.   I didn’t want to but I did at least three loads. I was on vacation, it didn’t seem like work.  My husband’ s parents joined us for our trip.  My father in law wanted to see Epcot.  It was just a sparkle in Walt’s eye when my husband’s family was down there decades ago.   I invited them to come along and thankfully they did.

Our master suite had a large whirlpool tub, the magic had already begun.   I miss it now.  It was a great way to relax after a long day in the Magic Kingdom.

After a restful night’s sleep we were up early and on our way.  If you have never been to Disney World, you are in for a treat.  You know that you are on Disney property when you are greeted with a huge sign that spans the highway and welcomes you. The road is different, the grass looks greener and even the signs on the road are different colors.  This scene happens before you even arrive at the parking lot. Cast members, as they are called, greet you with warm smiles as you pay out money to park on this oasis.   You ride a tram from the parking lot to the front entrance, your heart quickens as you step down and gallop to where you purchase your tickets.  Bags carried into the park are checked by security then you are free.

I walked in and looked at the happy faces of cast members, even the men and women who clean up the park with their Disney brooms greet you.   The manicured lawns and hedges, the beautiful flowers and bushes, fountains welcome you with the relaxing sound of flowing water.  You are no longer in Orlando, you have been transported to Walt Disney’s dream.  He wasn’t crazy, he was a man ahead of his time and a visionary.

We spent two days exploring Disney World.  I rode a few of the rides, the Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted Mansion just to name a few. To experience them close up and personal was inspiring.  The technology was and is groundbreaking for its time.   Did I get my picture with Mickey?  No.  I did pose with Mulan.  A young woman who is featured in one of the classic Disney films of the same name. It is about a Chinese family living in the time of Attila the Hun, a retired general who has only one child, a daughter.   When war strikes their region the general is in no condition to fight but volunteers. Fearing for her father’s safety Mulan takes his armor, horse and weapons and sets off to fight for her country, she pretends to be a man. It is a wonderful story worth viewing.   She is a strong woman, a survivor, I told her I could relate to being a fighter and a survivor.

We spent the next day at Epcot.  My favorite ride there has to be one called ” Soarin”.    It is a 3D experience that lifts you up and makes you feel like you are flying a hang glider.   You soar over mountains, skim your feet along the oceans and feel the spray in your face.  I flew over the Golden Gate bridge and Yosemite Falls.  There are too many places to mention here.  Tears formed in my eyes and slid down my face. My husband gazed over at me and asked if I was okay, I wiped the tears and said yes.  He knows me.   To  have the feeling of flying and soaring is remarkable.  To fly low over an orange grove and smell the oranges, technology can make the impossible for some more of a reality.  Would I ever really hang glide?  Probably not.   What I experienced made me feel like I did.

It wasn’t all theme parks on my magic adventure.  We took time out to go to a couple of beaches and a wild life sanctuary ( We saw some egrets and some tracks that looked like gators)  it was mid day and all the places that were normally filled with water were dry.  Florida needs rain.  We still enjoyed it, we’re on vacation. We visited the Kennedy Space Center gift shop, the only thing that’s free now.  I’ll be writing a letter to our president,  space and its exploration should be for everyone, not just a privileged few who can afford it.   I made lemonade out of lemons and bought some astronaut ice cream.  Freeze dried but very good.

We completed our theme park tour with Universal Studios Harry Potter Adventure.  Our daughter was in heaven. She went on rides there that we would never have imagined her setting foot on.  It wasn’t the technology, it’s the power of Daniel Radcliffe, the actor who has played Harry in the movies since their inception.  Maybe he could get her to like math?    Our son also enjoyed a few of the rides. He wanted a wand and something special he promised a friend.  I can’t mention it by name just in case they happen to read this. Would not want to spoil a surprise.

On Sunday we attended church at a huge cathedral named after the Blessed mother, ” Basilica of the The National Shrine of Mary, Queen of the Universe.  Beautiful, breath-taking and the choir was composed of angels hand-picked by God to sing.  Awe inspiring to say the very least.

All dreams must end at some point.   We wake up and wonder, was I really there?    I still have some questions that I am pondering post vacation.   Are all the cast members that answer the phones and wait on you at the park genuinely happy or are they paid to be that happy? What happened to our Splash Mountain picture that disappeared on the monorail?  Did a person or family decide to keep it because the faces of my beloved crew look happier and more joyous coming down the drop off of Splash Mountain?    Is it gracing a photo frame in the house of a lonely person who is no longer at Disney with their family  and they want to relive the magic and joy they felt while they were there?  Maybe it just slipped down between the seats.  Sorry its the writer’s privilege to embellish to draw the reader into the story.  Could I have gone on Splash Mountain or Harry Potter’s Forbidden Adventure?  Were the descriptions misleading regarding the rides and the risks involved in boarding them?  For Pete’s sake I’m a cancer patient, I’ve handled far worse than a theme park ride.  Maybe another reason to go back?  I am proud of myself.  I did ride one small roller coaster called the Flight of the Hippogriff. Short, sweet and no upside down topsy-turvy loops.   My niece Rachel, an avid coaster rider and thrill seeker shared some tips for riding a coaster.   I used all of them and had fun.  I even got one scream to leave my lips.  I have a deep voice and normally a scream doesn’t come out , the bugs just come in as I fly down the hill.  This time it was different.  No belly butterflies and my eyes were open.  Tip:  Do not ride in the back of the coaster, you feel everything.  If you want to then demand the last car, we were in the second to the last car.  I stepped off the ride with the food in my belly intact and my pride swelling.

It was worth it after 45 years to visit Walt Disney’s dream land.  We didn’t visit all the parks, it definitely takes more than one visit to do that.   I had the pleasure of watching the fireworks in downtown Disney over Cinderella’s castle.   As we flew in to Orlando we saw how many acres Disney covers, it is unbelievable.

I am grateful to God for blessing me with the opportunity to do this. The magic that Walt Disney dreamed of and made a reality is possible for all of us.  It is how we view life and our circumstances.  There were long lines at both theme parks but most people didn’t seem to mind even with the heat, some did and let everyone know it.  When we really want something, sometimes we have to wait for it.  Patience is a virtue that each of us could benefit from.  When I was in line at the grocery store someone was complaining about how slow things were. I wanted to say to them, ” That’s nothing!  Go to Disney World and stand in line for an hour or two in the Florida heat.  We are a world that wants things now.   We move so quickly through life with our fast cars,  cell phones,  Ipads, notifications on Facebook, Twitter,caffeinated drink that help fuel our need for speed that we miss things. important things.We are missing life.  Can we look up long enough from technology to catch it.

I did a lot of people watching on vacation.  I watched the bees enjoy the sweet nectar of the Magic Kingdom. I enjoyed the smiles of babies and small children as they searched for their favorite characters.  Newlyweds who pranced about with their veil laden Mickey ears and new-found joy of being married and in love.  I pray they hold fast to that feeling.  I felt a special joy to watch my family experience the magic,;my daughter’s smile as she got off a ride, my son describing the ride they’d just been on , my husband taking pictures that will be the best visual memory of our trip along with the pictures our children took and sharing it with my in-laws who are always up for an adventure.

The real magic in our lives does not rely on being in the world’s most famous theme park with its most popular cast member Mickey Mouse;  it is powered by something much deeper, love of God and of our family.  Embrace each, don’t take them for granted and experience the magic everyday.

Remembering Uncle John

Each Memorial Day  I am drawn to the image of a young man whom  I never had the chance to meet.  He was 21 when he died in the Korean War.  My Uncle can tell the story much better than I can,he was there on that early morning as the train pulled up with the body of his older brother.   He describes it vividly, so much so it is etched in my brain as if I was there. The bare light bulb illuminating the casket that is covered by an American flag.  I know that there are many stories played out across the country that mirror this scene, a family grieving a loss that will change their lives forever.

Today bodies of our fallen soldiers are flown in by plane. The respect and dignity given to each one by an honor guard.  Each time I see this image on tv, I think of the visual that was created in my brain by the eloquently and respectfully woven words of my Uncle who I have hounded for years to publish his ” Tales from the HeartLand.”  A final tribute to his brother would be included in this medley of stories that span the lifetime of my Uncle  LaVerne  I waited  for those monthly letters to come.  They were stories that had heart.  I pray one day he will share them; we sometimes need to go back to go forward, to learn from the simplest of times.

I still tear up when I hear another family who has received that dreaded personal visit that can come at any hour announcing that their husband, wife, son , daughter gave the ultimate sacrifice.  No matter what one believes about the necessity of war,  remembering those who volunteered for duty, those still serving,those who are returned, those who are survivors, my Uncle Fred is a Pearl Harbor survivor.  I remember my father who was proud of his service, my brother-in-law, my best friend’s son who still bears the physical and emotional scars of his time overseas.  There are so many more that I want to list here, they know who they are.  Thank you for putting your life on line to protect me and my family, to protect this country and for helping those who live in a country without the freedoms we often take for granted, thank you for being there for them too. To your families who support you and miss you terribly.

Take a moment in the midst of your retail sale excursions and barbecues to remember those with us and those who have found eternal glory in the heavens.  St Michael protect those in battle. Thank you Uncle John for helping me to realize at an early age what true sacrifice means.  Rest in peace.

Fat Tuesday and more positive less depressing posts

I was sitting waiting for a lengthy period of time at our doctor’s office as my daughter and I tried to find ways to pass the enormous amount of time we spent waiting to be called back to an exam room.  My teen daughter was desperate; no ear buds for her i pod, no homework to work on ( conveniently left at home,” I can’t do homework in public.”    Left with an  Entertainment weekly or her mother to talk to, decisions, decisions.   We found common ground, we talked Corgies.  i watch clips on You Tube that my daughter forces me to watch.  They are cute.  I explained to her that I love dogs and miss having one.  I said I am woman with a chronic health condition that causes my meds to change and some times unwanted side effects.

” Just think, he could comfort you when you don’t feel well.”  She looked at me with eyes that reminded me of the hundreds of Corgies I have seen with my daughter’s assistance.

” Great I can be petting him one moment or puking on him. or he can chase me  to the bathroom.     Where will you be when the pup needs to cleaned up.”

I received no response.  Surprise.

On to a  more pleasant and positive and tasty posting.  After leaving the doctor’s office I am happy to report that we had a very tasty Fat Tuesday Meal.  I served  Chicken Fried Rice,  General Chicken, Vegetable Lo Mein, steamed rice and I even fried up some crab rangoons.  Oh we had Cashew Chicken too.

If you believe that I did that even on steroids, which are helping me feel  better  by the way,  then I have some swamp land I’ll sell you in Florida after we return from our trip in June and I have had a chance to find a nice piece of property and I’ll even take pictures.  I have a great in house photographer,

he can Photoshop , oh I mean he takes great landscape photos.

Fat Tuesday is party central in New Orleans. Here in the mid west we feast before the fast.  Ash Wednesday is tomorrow.  We will flock to services and

receive the ashes on our forehead to remind us who we once were , where we will return when our earthy life is over.  It is a time for reflection and giving up something or adding something to our Lenten season.  It is different for everyone.  For many after services they will flock to Mc Donald’s, or some seafood establishment after no snacks and light meals  during the day.

May your lenten season bring enlightenment , peace and enrichment to your life.

Remember to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day next week.  I will be celebrating it in Texas next week with my family, my sister and her family.   My sister Anita tried green nail polish and quickly informed me that we would find another way to connect as sisters,the polish wasn’t pretty.      We will find another way to connect as sisters from Anita in Portland to the other two in Texas, its in our blood.

For you Bevie I had to make it a WordPress blog instead of a Facebook post.

I remember one of the last prophetic statements I made that Bev liked talked about brevity in our posts,  How we can actually gain more attention with fewer words and keep the audience.   So this is how I get around my statement and still provide a more pleasant post.  Hope you like it Bev.

Enjoy Fat Tuesday!

The Brown Bunny is Back

In the early morning hours when sleep eludes me due to some medicine I’m on it gives me a chance to see the world in a different light.
” Birdie Central” and ” Critter Row” is the best way to describe our backyard. I’m a bird lover and I feed the squirrels and the raccoons and whatever else decides to show up at my doorstep. They were here before me is the way I look at it.
This morning as the moon casts her glow on the yard I spy two huge brown bunnies nibbling on some corn and seed mix I put down yesterday during our beautiful snow storm, okay not a storm but and all day off and on.
They come before the birds have stretched their wings. They want to avoid the predators, we have red shouldered hawks, red tailed , owls and Cooper’s hawks about. I wondered though if their strategic plan is flawed? They stand out like a sore thumb against the snow. Maybe they know something I don’t about living life on the edge? They have survived and thrived this long. They must be doing something right.
We are a like in a way. Both of us co-existing in this beautiful world. Doing our best to live in harmony with one another.
God is taking care of them so they have no worries.
He is taking care of me too.
I finished treatment yesterday and I celebrated with pictures and hugs for all the people involved in my care.
Spread the joy.
I took my ” fencing mask” home. It is a custom , no one else can wear it, it is my face perserved in plastic.
Three small x’s mark the treatment areas. I choose to view them as the Trinity. Father, son and holy spirit.
It is a daily reminder to me that he is still driving the bus, still riding the pink surfboard with me ( he’s coming to Florida with us in June).
” I can do whatever I need to do in life through Christ.”
For the bunnies in the backyard living life on the edge I have the utmost respect. They face the devil down everyday, it doesn’t stop them from living their life.
Whatever you choose to call that negative force is up to you; the important thing is not to let him take hold of your day, your moments. Time for my work out.
Bless my brown bunnies.

The Incredible Gift

The brightly colored packages that were fanned out under Christmas trees across this nation and in department store displays are a distant memory now.  For some the cycle has started over.  The after Christmas sales, scooping up bargains like found money on the street.  Some will even wrap their packages and place them in undisclosed locations until later this year. I admire them in a way.  I am not one of them.

I love gifts.  My favorite thing to do is give them, receiving them from others has always been a little harder for me, but I am doing better about it.  Life changed that.  This past Christmas  I received a very special gift.  It made me think about all the other ones I have received over the years as well.  I’m not just talking about the material ones, I am speaking of the ones that cannot be bought.  I have learned to treasure them.

A few weeks ago I was sitting a work and waiting to place some more goodies in the oven for hungry students at school when I noticed that I was seeing two images of the clock on the wall and not one.  Strange.  Adjusted my glasses. No better.   I was on a medicine at the time that can cause visual changes, according to the drug data sheet ,but of  course it’s so broad that when they do clinical trials if someone sneezes sideways twice it has to be documented.    I decided to have it checked out.   After making a correction with my lenses it was better but still not right.  I went to see my oncologist and we decided to do an MRI of the brain.  I had one 6  years ago when my cancer returned and became a chronic condition.  Amazing piece of technology.

My doctor called and asked me to come in.  I knew.  I expected it.  Three small spots. One placed in such a way that it effected my vision.  Planned by a higher power?    Yes.     For some people reading this they might move me a notch up on the delusional chart.  For those who know me best and realize I am a person of strong faith quietly cried and said,” She’s cool with it, she’ gave her life up to God a long time ago.’  They’re right.   I had a wonderful conversation with my dear brother-in-law who is minister and he shared with me the name of a pastor John Piper.  John was interviewed years ago when the tsunami hit.  So many perished. Lives changed forever.  I remember the blame that some laid on God for that one.  John shares his views on why. The reporter interviewed several leaders of many faiths for her story. He was one of them.  You can Google it if your interested. Just enter his name.

We are blessed to live in a world where there is diversity and room for debate.   We understand that there are many ways to worship, who to worship, how to  worship.  Everyone  can find that special place because it resides deep within them.   I had an interesting conversation with my radiation oncologist.  She is Islamic.   We talked for a long time about  her journey as a woman in her faith and building her successful practice.  She prays daily with her patients and for her patients. No treatment plan is ever implemented without God’s divine guidance.  Her practice which was hard-fought was the result of hard work, lots of prayers and complete trust that God would make it work.  They didn’t want a new radiation center in the QC. Had one in Illinois. For the power that be in the medical care and hospital business they didn’t want competition.  She didn’t agree.  She had elderly patients that lived in Iowa. It was hard for them to get to appointments, they deserved to have choices.   She went to the mat and pinned them down.   She trusted and she came out on top.

I am all most finished with my treatments, two more.   I visualize healing each time I go in.  Eradicate the spots leave healthy tissue.   After that we move forward.  New chapter added to the book of life God started all most 50 years ago.   I will celebrate my 50th on February 1st.    I have never dreaded a birthday in my life and I am not starting now.  Some people do.  Every gray hair, every lost hair, wrinkle, brown spot.  I treasure them.  My grandma Margaret , whom I am named after called those long hairs on her head ” strands of wisdom”.  I never forgot that.   I remember her tightly braided bun.   I remember the softness and the smell of everything that she made in the kitchen on the farm that permeated it.  That’s aromatherapy. She shared so many good things with me in the time we had together.  She has been gone 23 years this coming March.  She died the year I was married.   She was there the day I got married. She had the best seat, she was and still is sitting next to my creator and hers  and yours if that’s what you believe.

The gift that God has given me is the knowledge of his great compassion and mercy.  He gave me a sign and he didn’t have to.  I thanked him and continue to do so each day.   Would it have been nice to have a Christmas where I didn’t have some drama that was shared with family?  Sure.  I am sure they would have appreciated it too.  Nevertheless they know when you love someone who lives with a chronic condition that drugs of choice change and you go with the flow.  I’m not sure that the timing was that bad after all.  Christmas represents God’s gift to the world, his son.   It means different things to different people.  However you celebrate your gifts and who you thank for them is between you and the giver.

This  past week a woman I had been mentoring for four years died on Wednesday. Her funeral is today.  I will not be able to be there, she lived a couple of hours away.  We had a wonderful conversation prior to Christmas.  She called a little anxious and needed some reassurance.   She had been on chemotherapy constantly for four years no breaks.  She had been treated successfully but had a recurrence and needed to change drugs.   Her story was different four years ago.  She was using some sort of herbal/ juice supplement regimen that some snake oil group sold her and was dying.  Her friend who is treated at the same facility asked for my help.   We talked about how this treatment was going for her, it wasn’t, she was sick.     Those that prey on people like her  are not my favorite and I have to forgive them everyday for their transgressions.    My last and final word on this subject, standing on my soapbox is this;    It is sounds to good to be true then it probably is.    I had a  gentleman at a car place try to sell me Goji Berry juice, which by the way is a cure for cancer, his words not mine.    I sat there for a moment and took a deep breath, I could not ignore this.   I reminded him that while Goji Berry juice has a high ORAC value  ( think healthy and high antioxidants)  it is not a cure. If you like it, drink it. Use it as a favorite mixer with your sparkling water.    He was making money on this via the pyramid scheme.   For shame Mr.       He stood there and for once he was speechless,  this guy is a wheeler-dealer so for me to shut him down was a miracle.  He apologized and never spoke of it again.  I wasn’t mean, I was calm , cool and collected.   I educated him.   I thought of woman I was mentoring.   I thought of every person who had ever been taken by these groups of  heartless, profit driven people.  Sad but they are part of life, they are the Satans that taunt us on a daily basis.  We either feed in to it or we walk away.  It’s always our choice.

There is no cream, pill, powder, juicer, bracelet magnetic or otherwise that cures a health condition. They want you to believe that, they want you to spend your hard-earned money or retirement on it,  please don’t.    Take a moment and ask yourself what you are afraid of?   Afraid of getting older, losing control?   Anxious about what tomorrow may bring? Our need to accrue  material things is based somewhere deep inside us.  It’s not a bad thing, it just needs to be managed carefully so it doesn’t become an addiction.    For some who struggle with alcohol, drug abuse, gambling and I know a few it is a test of faith.  I pray for them daily that once they reach that lowest point I pray that they will reach out their hand, admit that they need help and God will pull them up by their bootstraps.

For me each day is an incredible gift.  I woke up this morning and opened my eyes.  I could feel the cold  in the room, I took a deep breath in.  Very good.

I hope that each of you take some time each day to reflect on the gifts that you have been given.  Life sends challenges our way in so many forms;  jobs we don’t like, families torn apart by unrest and upheaval,  addictions to alcohol, drugs and the like,  toxic relationships that tear away at us but we hold on hoping that they will change, not liking school, college or high school etc, threw that in for the teens who post often on the subject.   We all have our days where we get cut off in traffic, cut off in grocery line when we try to beat someone to the next open aisle.  We get mad, I do, trust me ask my family.  The important part is not to stay in that frame of mind.  When that happens it eats you up from the inside.  It takes away your sleep and your joy.   I know that all of you want more joy in your life?

Don’t let another day go by without letting those you know hear you say I love you.  Your on Facebook, Twitter, you text, not while driving please, pull over.   Fences in disrepair with your spouse, bf, gf, significant other, friend, family member.  Please get out your tools and repair the fence so that when you lean on it you won’t fall flat on your face. We all think and feel differently about so many things, understand that you won’t agree with everyone on everything, you may debate politics, how you run your business or don’t and how you choose to raise your children.  It’s this diversity that makes life interesting.

To all my family, friends I thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives.   I thank you for accepting me as I am and for hanging in there through all the medical dramas.  Its hard on you and I know that.   Be reassured that I am human, that I do cry and that I do have those days where the tongue comes out and I give the room a raspberry.  What I don’t do is blame God and I have never given him one.

I am making plans to celebrate my 50 years in a big way.  I am planning some trips to Florida, to Portland, to Gig Harbor and Seattle,  Columbus, Ohio ( yes Cathleen you!)   Cedar Park, Texas   and yes I am going to Disney World and I will see Florida.   Am I doing this because of what happened at Christmas?  No.   I doing it because its long over due and I miss everyone and I want to give them big hugs because these are gifts are the ones I will always treasure.

Thank you God for this incredible gift called,   Life.

” With man this is impossible  but with God all things are possible.”  Matthew 19:26